Is the internet a urinal? flushes the toilet on Silicon Valley. This lecture-performance flows through popular film, architecture, literature, and queer sex to consider the enduring Californian Ideology. Paying particular attention to waterworks in California, the fountain emerges as both a monument for false publics and a figure of information. In Silicon Valley, the fountain finds a philosophical form in the writings of Ayn Rand, as a symbol of radical individualism and extreme entrepreneurship. To stymie the gushing of such toxic liquidity, Duchamp’s strategy of the readymade is evoked, and Silicon Valley is re-conceived as a pissoir, a public cruising grounds for post-capitalist possibilities.